This is another follow up to “The Real Cost of Poor Communication.” My last post was about sending communication. This one is about receiving, listening.
Receiving communication can be uncomfortable, sometimes painful as hell. Ask anyone who has been dumped or fired. As a writer, I have a lot of experience being uncomfortable receiving communication. It comes with the territory. I have written fiction as well as tech writing and getting reviews was not always comfortable. Early on I took them very personally. You critique my work, you critique me. You haven’t lived until you’re sitting at a table at the Squaw Valley Writers Conference with 15 people who don’t like the short story you sweated over for months, pouring out your thoughts and heart. And they’re telling you, as politely as possible, how much it seriously, unequivocally sucks.
But receiving communication is just as intentional as sending, whether you’re listening to someone in front of you or reading messages on your screen. You decide to be present and take in what is imparted. You create your half of a connection. You pay attention to the sender, not on the next thing you must do, or getting your zinger of a response ready, not your lunch or some email or a text. And if you are talking with someone face-to-face, put down your goddamn phone. It’s called respect.
I realize that being busy makes it hard to receive. But rushing through an email and not really taking its message in and dashing off a reply only results in continued emails and/or conversations to clarify and understand.
Also, listening with empathy is talked about a lot. I don’t think you need to be a special kind of person to be empathetic. I bet anyone can do it if they simply choose to. Creating empathy starts with being present with the person and focusing on them. They are looking at you and you at them. They have your attention and you have theirs. A connection occurs between you, opening the way to a better, more empathetic communication. You can walk through that opening, but you both must be willing to show up for each other. As far as I am concerned, to the degree you can do that, you can create empathy.
Finally, let the sender know you have received the message by acknowledging it. How else will they know for sure? People don’t acknowledge so much anymore, especially online and in email. I always find that odd. Personally, I don’t mind cluttering someone’s inbox with an acknowledgement. Otherwise, they are simply assuming I got the message.
As with sending a communication, I have seen these simple things not done and the wasteful amount of time spent to follow up, repeat, follow up, repeat.
Again, if receiving is difficult, do what it takes to show up for the other person. Stop. Take a breath. Look around. Get into the moment and focus on the person. It takes just a few seconds, but it can save more than time. Just being there is fundamental to effective communication, yet is easy to overlook.
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